At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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