This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
