Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
