Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Randomize
