This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
