anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
