I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
