I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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