My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
