guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
