dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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