Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
