You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
