I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
