I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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