This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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