She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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