True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
