If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
