Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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