doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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