I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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