I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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