I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
