Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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