Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
