I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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