what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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