Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
