why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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