I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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