I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
