I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
