Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he thought i was a dude.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
