She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
