Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize