Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
