theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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