She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
