I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
