I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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