I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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