Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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