Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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