It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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