Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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