Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
