xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
