He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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