I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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