I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
