You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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