My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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