that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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