your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
