Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
