She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
