i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
