I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Let's get the cat blown out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
