doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
