go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
