So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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