There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
