Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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