If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
