i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
