We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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