We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
