so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
