Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
