THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
